Cultivate It: The “What Are We?” Talk

Photo courtesy of Getty Images

Photo courtesy of Getty Images

By: Tiffani Haynes

I think the “What Are We?’ talk has plagued the male/female relationship since the beginning of time.

Eve probably said to Adam, “I know I’m your helpmate but what are we? What do I really mean to you?”

Ok, maybe that didn’t happen but dating isn’t easy, especially if either party isn’t perfectly clear on the “we” that makes up the two.

So, ladies, we’re going to address the “we” talk. It’s inevitable so you might as well know how to have a healthy, productive one. Dating editor Julie Andrews has come up with three tips for making the “we” talk a good one.

But before “the talk” we have to establish some goals and rules to work towards. What do you want from the relationship? Can you see him wanting the same? What is your reason for wanting to have “the talk?” Essentially, what’s your plan for the relationship? The clearer your plan is for the relationship, the easier it’ll be to see how his fits with yours.

Now, on to the good stuff.

Tip Number 1: Don’t Be Caught Off Guard

Pay attention to the signs. If you’re increasingly spending more time together and more questions are arising about the other people with whom you attend activities (aka, are they single or married?) then, honey, the talk is looming on the horizon. Be prepared. Take some time on your own to think about where you see this going and be able to articulate what you want and need to be happy in a relationship.

Tip Number 2: Be a straight shooter.

Talking about feelings is never easy, especially if this is new conversation territory with your guy. It’s easy to shy away and be bashful. But try and resist the urge. If you like the guy and want more, let him know. If you like the guy but don’t see it going anywhere, let him know. If you’re confused at all, expose it. If you’re still having a ball, let him know. Communication is the key to opening all doors and is one heckuva strong note on which to start any relationship (or friendship, for that matter).

Tip Number 3: Close the deal.

 Don’t let the conversation remain open-ended. E-x-c-l-u-s-i-v-e. Say it with us. Either you are or you are not. Your objective in this chat is to find out which it is going to be and go with it. Once one of you spits out the word, the hardest part is over. Then, you can find out what each other is thinking and not be left wondering.

The tips seem pretty easy but it’s hard to stay on task sometimes. If you’re approaching this conversation, remember these rules, they’ll help.

 **Tips are courtesy of Andrews via YourTango.com**

 

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